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~Magnanimously

My own worst critic.
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Me

Fri Jan 27, 2006, 11:37 PM
This isn't easy for me to do. But here it goes.


:bulletred: I never let myself be vulnerable.

Sometimes I cry and I'm not even sure why.

The closest people in my life complain that I keep myself a mystery to them.

I wish I were invisible.

I'm terrified of public speaking.

:bulletred: People are too predictable.

I love to be isolated.

I'm pretty sure I'll be alone forever because I like it that way.

I take diet pills.

I'm afraid that taking diet pills will kill me.

:bulletred: I know if I get fat everyone will treat me differently.

I spend a lot of money on tanning and I'm ashamed that I even do it.

I don't want to have children, ever.

I'm afraid that if I do I'll screw them up.

I never want to get married or divorced.

:bulletred: I find fault in everyone.

I need affection from people because I probably don't get enough.

I can't let anyone I love know that I love them.

I give up on people because I know they will hurt me whether they want to or not.

Abortion is evil.

:bulletred: I have terrible anxiety all the time.

I sometimes feel like I'm in jail.

I have regrets.

My mom is cold and I don't think she's capable of loving anyone.

I've never met my dad.

:bulletred: He called but I don't want to talk to him.

I wish people wouldn't lie.

Being lied to is the most painful experience.

I've attempted suicide.

I regret doing it.

:bulletred: I love almost everyone on some level and I'm afraid of that.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of happiness some day.

I don't understand jealousy and competition.

Nobody really knows me.

I'm not sure I know myself.

:bulletred: I hate attention because I'm not asking for it.

Getting attention from men makes me feel low instead of beautiful or sexy.

I've never fit a label.

I've never met anyone like me at all.

I've been called difficult.

:bulletred: I'm stubborn.

If I think I'm right there is no way to ever change my mind.

I'm an observer.

I'm a good listener and I wish more people were too.

The only reason behind every guys actions is to eventually have sex with me.

:bulletred: I'm a tease.

I have to succeed.

I can't fail.

I wish people were more open-minded.

I can't stand hate or prejudice.

:bulletred: I wonder how different things will be when I'm old and ugly.

Special treatment for being beautiful and young pisses me off.

I get attached too fast.

I hate smoking and it's fucked up that I have to experience second-hand smoke.

I love being in water, alone.

:bulletred: I didn't feel loved as a kid.

I know that's not my fault.

I always want to improve myself.

I don't know how.

I cry when I'm angry.

:bulletred: I hate being disappointed.

Anyone who gets my love and devotion is the luckiest person in the world.

I'm not sure if I really know how to love someone.

I daydream so much.

I'm extremely sensitive.

:bulletred: I have a unique sense of humor.

I went through a lot of shit to get my sense of humor.

I appear to be serious.

People always ask me why I look sad.

That makes me angry and uncomfortable.

:bulletred: I don't think I need to put on a smile for everyone.

I let go of fears to stand up for what I believe in.

I want people to be happy.

The future is blurry right now.

I don't like to reveal a lot about myself for two reasons.

:bulletred: The first is that I'm afraid of not being accepted.

The second is that I don't feel anyone is deserving enough to know.


I'm not sure why I wrote this. I guess because I needed to say these things. I'm terrified of anyone I know reading it. I'm hoping this will be therapeutic for me. Maybe soon I'll be able to say some of these things to people I know. I cried a little bit while writing this. I hope that I not only helped myself by doing this, but also helped someone else in some way.
14 Comments

Devious Comments

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=The-Egg:iconThe-Egg: Jan 28, 2006, 12:39:48 AM
:petting: :cuddle:

--
stock photography ~binghamton wallpapers ~the-egg-wp
~Cyndikate:iconCyndikate: Jan 28, 2006, 11:54:47 AM
I should've done something but I've done it enough, by the way your hands were shaking, I'd rather waste my time with you.

--
I saw the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the Pacific...
~Ravenpc:iconRavenpc: Jan 28, 2006, 1:09:21 PM
I cried when i read this. You are very much like me...but in a different way....
I think revieling so much about yourself is a good way to gain more selfrespect and it's a good way to "let it all out".
I am sure everyone will even accept you more after reading this.
:hug:

--
"I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk." - Stephen King
~Windows95:iconWindows95: Jan 28, 2006, 7:44:10 PM
Two thoughts. First, I don’t know you, but I love the few of your photos that I’ve seen. What does that say? To me art is a true judge of a person’s character, it speaks of your heart and soul (cheesy sounding but true). If your art is great it must speak highly of the kind of person you are.

Second, for what it’s worth, I think we’ve all had our bad days, weeks, months, years, whatever. I’m not saying I understand what you’re going through or it’s easy, but there can and will be better days ahead. I had my fair share of bad years, but lately life has just “clicked”, I’ve found a job that I love and fill my free time with hobbies I enjoy and good friends. I hope you can find your niche and what makes you happiest.

Keep up the great art and whatever else makes you happy! ;)

--
16-bit and loving it!
~LostFaust:iconLostFaust: Jan 29, 2006, 6:36:17 PM
Interesting... and not really unexpected. Trying to face one's self is always a good exercise.
Let me know if you really want my oppinion over all that... otherwise I guess I'll just keep it to myself.
~Magnanimously:iconMagnanimously: Jan 30, 2006, 2:32:32 PM
:) Thanks. :hug:

--
"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." - Einstein
:flirty:
Me
~Magnanimously:iconMagnanimously: Jan 30, 2006, 2:38:38 PM
I'm a little confused by your comment... sorry. :shrug:

--
"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." - Einstein
:flirty:
Me
~Magnanimously:iconMagnanimously: Jan 30, 2006, 2:44:07 PM
I'm glad you can relate to what I said. I'm sure a lot of girls can. If you don't mind me asking, what reminded you of yourself?

So far I don't have regrets about writing any of this. It gives me more confidence to be able to share a few things with people.

Thank you for the supportive comment. :hug:

--
"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." - Einstein
:flirty:
Me
~Magnanimously:iconMagnanimously: Jan 30, 2006, 2:50:12 PM
Thank you for those great words. Everything you said about "better days ahead" is very true and I know that.

I know my journal entry is on the sad side but I'm really not.

I'm glad your life has clicked and I'm sure mine will too when the time comes.

Thanks. :hug:

--
"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." - Einstein
:flirty:
Me
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